We Do – Marriage is Hard Work!

In the first message of our series, “We Do” I mentioned the Fantastic Fiver for Him and Her from Saunti Feldhahn’s book on happy marriages. I gave two of he five, but here are all five. I STRONGLY encourage you to read this book.

The Fantastic Five for Him

A wife will have a big impact on her husband’s happiness when she does the following.

1. Notices his effort and sincerely thanks him for it. (For example, she says “Thank you for mowing the lawn even though it was so hot outside” or “Thanks for playing with the kids, even when you were so tired from work.”) This deeply pleases 72 percent of all men (see bar graph ).

2. Says “You did a great job at _______.” This deeply pleases 69 percent of all men. 3. Mentions in front of others something he did well. This deeply

3. Mentions in front of others something he did well. This deeply pleases 72 percent of all men.

4. Shows that she desires him sexually and that he pleases her sexually. This deeply pleases 85 percent of all men.

5. Makes it clear to him that he makes her happy. (For example, she expresses appreciation for something he did for her with a smile, words, a big hug, etc.) This deeply pleases 88 percent of all men.

The Fantastic Five for Her

On his side, a husband will have a big impact on his wife when he does the following.

1. Takes her hand. (For example, when walking through a parking lot or sitting together at the movies.) This deeply pleases 82 percent of all women (see bar graph ).

2. Leaves her a message by voice mail, e-mail, or text during the day to say he loves and is thinking about her. This deeply pleases 75 percent of all women.

3. Puts his arm around her or lays his hand on her knee when they are sitting next to each other in public (at church, at a restaurant with friends, etc.). This deeply pleases 74 percent of all women.

4. Tells her sincerely “You are beautiful.” This deeply pleases 76 percent of all women.

5. Pulls himself out of a funk when he’s morose, grumpy, or upset about something, instead of withdrawing. (This doesn’t mean he doesn’t get angry or need space; it means he tries to pull himself out of it.) This deeply pleases 72 percent of all women.

Feldhahn, Shaunti (2013-12-31). The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

2 thoughts on “We Do – Marriage is Hard Work!

  1. These come a little easier as newlyweds so it’s good to have a reminder to be deliberate. Thanks for posting, pastor!

  2. Fantastic message! My granddaughter and I are trying very hard to remember the 2nd song Matt song that the congregation finished. We only remember the Elvis one. Can you help us out here? We are both totally stumped so it can’t just be that I’m old at 70 because she is only 27 and can’t remember it either!

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